Love+Relationships

7 QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR PARTNER

27 . 06 . 2018

Your Free Spirit Animal ScreenSaverS!
MONTHLY SELF-Coaching worksheets
Downloadable Recipe Cards by Jess Sepel
Now Trending:
I'm Rebecca!

Welcome to DG! We are a Coaching Hub for Women!  Over the past 7 years we've created a huge library of Articles, Guides, Coaching Resources and Courses, to help women grow & thrive in their own life.  We hope you enjoy exploring the site x

hello,

Listen to our #1 Confidence Podcast

Tune in

Explore our latest episodes of The 'C' Bomb

Written By

Darrah Brustein

Have you ever considered taking some of the intentionality you use in planning your career or business and applying them to your relationship?

I surround myself with a lot of intentional couples; collectively, we’ve created a list of questions which we review with our partners on our ‘monthiversaries’ (the date we met each month).

Speaking from personal experience, taking routine time out to be intentional as a couple has been an important way to deepen, strengthen, reflect, and plan together, although it’s not always easy or fun. One important thing to note: these questions are not the only time these types of dialogues occur, nor are they an excuse to bottle things up and drop a bomb on your partner.

If your relationship is fresh, this is the perfect time to start, and to set this growth-oriented practice into motion. If your relationship is more mature, you might feel as if you don’t want to rock the boat, or uproot old wounds or unearthed issues. I’m of the belief that it’s never too soon or too late to take on this type of practice.


Here are 7 questions to ask your other half.

Store your answers in an Evernote or a notebook so you can go back and reflect on the growth, or lack thereof. Try to keep the questions diverse and not over-abundant, so that it doesn’t feel tedious, but covers some ground.

  1. What’s something I can do more/less of to make you feel more loved?
  2. What was this month’s high/low point?
  3. What’s one thing I did this month that made you feel loved?
  4. Of what are you most proud of us as a couple? How about yourself? And of the other?
  5. What’s your biggest current worry (personally or professionally)?
  6. What’s your goal/hope/intention for us over the next month?
  7. Random surprise question that’s fun and playful!

Is your mind swelling with fear, worry or naysaying thoughts?

If so, I encourage you to check in with yourself and ask why.

Then ask yourself why four more times to get to the real reason.

Is it triggering something within you?

For some, it sparks fears of ridicule, criticism, speaking your mind or abandonment.

This response reminds me of the work of Dr. Harville Hendrix, author of the best-selling books Getting the Love You Want: A Guide For Couples and Keeping the Love You Find . He coined the term “imago” which is Latin for “image,”and refers to the “unconscious image of familiar love.”

As shared on ImagoRelationships.org, “Simply put, there is often a connection between the frustrations experienced in adult relationships and early childhood experiences. For example: If you frequently felt criticized as a child, you will likely be sensitive to any criticism from, and feel criticized often by your partner. Likewise, if you felt abandoned, smothered, neglected, etc., these feelings will come up in your marriage/committed relationships.”

They continue, “Most people face only a few of these ‘core issues,’ but they typically arise again and again within partnerships. This can overshadow all that is good in the relationship, leaving people to wonder if they have chosen the right mate.”

So here is the good news: when you can understand each other’s feelings and ‘childhood wounds’ more empathically, you can begin to heal yourself and your relationship, and move toward a more conscious one.

Allow me to reiterate that this is an exercise centered around the intention of growth (not finger-pointing). If coming from a place of love and introspection, and if all thoughts are shared with a common vision of their being in service to your relationship, rather than trying to hurt one another, this can be an effective tool. After all, it’s often the things which spark a response in us which are the keys to the areas in which we have room to grow.

The questions are designed to create space both for challenges, as well as for gratitude and appreciation (not just one or the other). There are plenty of things I appreciate in my partner which go unsaid until a moment of reflection like this. Having the juxtaposition keeps it enjoyable. No one wants to keep a practice that is always a downer.

If you’re still feeling resistant to the idea, that’s okay. It’s not for everyone. I encourage amending the questions, structure, frequency, or any other component of it to make it work for you. This is simply a framework off of which to start.

Here’s to strengthening your partnership!

Share this:
7 questions image
Journal Prompts

A hugely valuable personal growth tool is the use of Journal Prompts. Bringing awareness to our most common thoughts and consciously choosing to reprioritize, refocus, and redirect these thoughts, can have the most profound impact on our life and emotional wellbeing – especially during these challenging times of late. However, at times, journalling can feel […]

50 Journal Prompts For Self-Discovery

Emotional+Wellbeing

read more

I’m not much of a fan of exercising. In fact, I quite often hate it. What I do love however, is exercising my vagina — or to be more specific — my pelvic floor muscles. Why? Because it allows me to have epic sex and incredible orgasms. Exercising your pelvic floor muscles with a simple […]

The Best Sexercise You Can Do

Emotional+Wellbeing

read more

We all experience fear and anxiety at times. It’s a completely natural and helpful human emotion that helps us respond to danger — an automatic alarm that goes off in a challenging situation where we feel threatened, pressured or stressed. We feel it when we’re about to jump on a roller coaster. When we’re gearing […]

Behaviours That Contribute To Anxiety

Emotional+Wellbeing

read more

ARE YOU IN A MAZE? Are you feeling like you’re at a stage in your life where you’re not where you thought you’d be? Maybe you’re reflecting on others thinking they seem to have it all and you’re not even close?? Or maybe you’re just feeling a little feeling lost? You might have a million things […]

Feeling lost? How to find your way out!

Emotional+Wellbeing

read more

Have you ever considered how the ways you treat yourself and others are surprisingly similar? As far back as the Bible, it has been espoused that we should treat others as we would want to be treated. But this, perhaps, looks only at the inter-relationship between people. What about the intra — the importance of […]

What our Behaviour Really Means!

Emotional+Wellbeing

read more

  CARRY ON FLOURISHING   It’s been a bit of a whirlwind adventure with our “flourish” series and we hope you’ve loved it as much as we have!   So far, we’ve covered: How to flourish at home How to boost your energy and motivation Relationship rehab How to prepare for meaningful action How to […]

IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO FLOURISH – PART SIX

Emotional+Wellbeing

read more

New Year Resolutions… We have made it to 2021! Well done. Last year was anything but easy. 2020 presented us all with challenges, abrupt change, and transitions, amongst many other things, and you made it through. As you reflect on the last year, there are things you may want to leave behind, while there may […]

Embracing Rhythms Over Resolutions

Personal Growth

read more
Design your day

“Wonderful. Productive. Smooth. Successful.” This is how we want to be able to respond when someone asks us, “How was your day?” With everything on our plate, those words often seem unrealistic.  But despite our waking hours being filled with a rush of activity that has the potential to send us into a state of […]

How To Design Your Day

Personal Growth

read more

10 years from now, where will you be? Have a clue? Not quite sure at all? That’s ok. Like a fortune-teller with her crystal ball in hand, you too can look into your future now and see the life you are manifesting. Here’s how you can quite simply predict where you will be in 10 […]

Where Will You Be 10 Years From Now?

Personal Growth

read more

  When life gets busy or you find that one area of your life is demanding a lot of your time and energy, it’s easy to find yourself out of balance and not paying enough attention to what’s most important in your life. While you need to have drive and direction, too much can create […]

Finding Balance In Our Busy Lives

Personal Growth

read more

Your head strongly insists on taking the job. Running the marathon. Leaving the relationship. But your heart… well, your vehemently disagrees. Have you been tied up in the limbo of your head and heart? Paralysed by indecision because you don’t know what’s right?     The heart whispers but when it does, the message is […]

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR HEAD & HEART CANNOT AGREE

Personal Growth

read more

We all get lost from time to time. We all forget who we really are when life throws a spanner (or three) into the works. Faced with choices to start and end relationships, to travel the world, to follow the hunch or to leave it, to start a family or maybe to close your business […]

HOW TO REDISCOVER THE REAL YOU

Personal Growth

read more

I'm Rebecca Sparks
Founder of The Daily Guru, Confidence & Life Transition Coach, Speaker, Podcaster, Educator, Adventurer & Goal-Getter!

My mission is to help women believe and invest in themselves and  to help them to carve out their own exciting and fortuitous path in life.

more about me

Hey there!

oh la la!

"It's like DG is reading my mind! Every time I get an email from them, its exactly what I needed to hear."
- Jennifer West

Join the gang!

We've built a HUGE library of Growth & Wellbeing Resources for women just like you.  And we save all the best bits for our PenPals
 (AKA the Newsletter crew!)

So save yourself from unbearable FOMO and sign up below 

SIGN UP

FOR OUR WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

Get Our Free Guide to Kicking Ass on Social

Taiyaki occupy farm-to-table swag fashion axe four loko. Church-key palo santo selvage helvetica iceland tumblr.

GET THAT DOWNLOAD

Email

Name

"Margi's guide was kick-ass indeed and quite literally changed how I show up on social." - Jen Olmstead

oh la la!

Home
About
COACHING
ARTICLES

THE DAILY GURU

follow along 
on Instagram:

SEND ME A NOTE >

GET ON THE LIST >

@TheDailyGUru >

© MArgarita Coaching 2020  |  Design by Tonic  |  Photos by social squares & Unsplash

podcast