Love+Relationships

How to Get Over a Cheater

18 . 06 . 2019

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Jenna Fairbairn

If you have been cheated on and are now struggling with responding & dealing this difficult experience, then this article may offer some guidance for you.  Here are eight ways to help you move through the pain of being cheated on and to then move on from this relationship.

       Look for Happiness, Not Revenge

When someone has cheated on you, it’s easy to throw a pity party for yourself. When a relationship ends, it’s heartbreaking; when it’s because someone cheated, it attacks your self-esteem. You think to yourself, “What does the other person have that I don’t have?” and “Am I not good enough?”

When someone cheats, the tendency is for you to begin to question your worth. One of the best ways to move on is to be happy. Focus on what brings you joy, whether it’s your work, your family, or your friends. Good things will naturally come, and everything will fall into place when you come from a place of happiness, rather than sorrow.

Do it for yourself! Happiness may be the best revenge, but why do it for the cheater’s sake? You don’t need to try and show them what they lost. Instead, you need to show yourself what you’re worth, and that you don’t need to be with a person who doesn’t appreciate you…

Distance Yourself for a While

You made the decision to leave the relationship; what you can now do is create distance between you, the cheater, and everything else that reminds you of this person. When you’re surrounded by new people, new places, and new experiences, it’s easier to put things in perspective. There’s a whole new world out there, and it doesn’t end with a bad relationship.

Besides this, when you create distance, you can avoid places that remind you of your ex-partner. You’re not running away; you’re giving yourself time to recover.

Take a Break From Social Media

In the age of social media, breakups become harder; when you change your status from “In a Relationship” to “Single”, you announce to the whole world you’ve broken up. After this, the questions start pouring in. When people ask about your breakup, it’s like reliving the hurt. It won’t help you move on; take a break from social media for a while.

You should also avoid contacting your ex. Don’t write angry emails, or send Facebook messages, cursing them for what they have done. It might seem like a good idea at the time, but you’ll only regret it afterward; don’t do it!

Lean On Family and Friends

Rely on your family and friends for support. If your tendency is to withdraw from people and keep to yourself, you can ask your family or friends to go on a vacation with you. Allow others to comfort you and to listen to your side of the story. It’s very helpful to vent your emotions when someone has hurt you. Do so with people who love you, so that they will keep your sentiments private, and they can stop you when you’ve gone overboard.

Give Yourself Time to Mourn Your Loss

Mourn the loss of the trust: mourn the loss of the relationship. This is essential in order for you to let go of the strong feeling of betrayal. Everyone goes through this phase a little bit differently. Nevertheless, it’s okay and normal to mourn. There were good parts in the relationship, so you are allowed to be sad. Mourning the end of the relationship helps you accept what has happened.

Avoid Rebounds

People fall into the trap of trying to heal their hearts by diving into a new relationship. It’s tempting to do so, especially when you’re vulnerable, and you need someone to show you the appreciation you deserve. You might think, “I’ll show you that I can find someone better.” However, you have to get over your ex before you move on. The new partner will become a dumping ground for your grievances from your last relationship. It’s unfair for the new person if you’re just using them to get over your cheating partner.

Forgive Your Ex

While others say that time heals all wounds, this isn’t true when 10 years have passed and you still haven’t forgiven your ex for cheating on you; forgiveness heals all wounds. It might take you time to forgive, but once you do it, you’re setting yourself free from the power of that cheater to hurt you any further.

Forgiving others is hard and painful. However, no one on their deathbeds has ever said, “I wish I had stayed angry longer”, or, “I regret forgiving my cheating ex.” They are more likely to say, “I forgive you”, or, “I’m sorry.” You can set boundaries for yourself, and people can earn your trust with higher standards, but you’ll never regret the fact that you’ve forgiven.

Forgive Yourself

One of the first questions everyone asks after being cheated on is, “What did I do wrong?”, or, “What’s wrong with me?” It’s painful because there’s a strong feeling that your ex-cheated due to something you did, as though it’s somehow your fault. You need to be able to forgive yourself for whatever regrets you have in the relationship. However, you need to understand that being cheated on is not your fault, and will never be your fault. Release yourself from the blame; let go of whatever accountability you think you have in this infidelity.

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