Love+Relationships

How to forgive when you cannot forget

26 . 09 . 2018

Your Free Spirit Animal ScreenSaverS!
MONTHLY SELF-Coaching worksheets
Downloadable Recipe Cards by Jess Sepel
Now Trending:
I'm Rebecca!

Welcome to DG! We are a Coaching Hub for Women!  Over the past 7 years we've created a huge library of Articles, Guides, Coaching Resources and Courses, to help women grow & thrive in their own life.  We hope you enjoy exploring the site x

hello,

Listen to our #1 Confidence Podcast

Tune in

Explore our latest episodes of The 'C' Bomb

Written By

The Daily Guru Team

How do you forgive someone who has hurt you? How do you forgive betrayal if you can’t forget the heartache?

A child who has let you down, a spouse who has deeply disappointed you, a friend who has shared something told in confidence. The hurt can stick around with an unwillingness to let go.

David Teachout, a mental health professional, says: “Forgetting is an aspect of biology, forgiveness arises out of will.”

But willing forgiveness is not an easy feat.

Today, we want to share with you how to move beyond the pain and mistrust to give yourself permission to forgive.

Icon Feather

Have you ever heard the story of Chris Carrier? It was 1974 and Chris was just 10 years old. He was abducted near his home, taken to an area of swampland, stabbed repeatedly and shot through the temple with a handgun, then left alone. Miraculously, Chris survived (though he was blinded in the left eye as a result of the shooting) and went on to become a youth minister, get married and have children.

22 years after Chris was abducted, a man named David McAllister confessed to the abduction. David was 77 years old, blind, frail and living in a nursing home. Chris went to see him and David apologized. Chris said that “there would be nothing like anger or revenge between us, nothing except a new friendship”.

Forgiveness of this magnitude may be difficult to understand, but both Chris and David found closure as a result of Chris’ forgiveness. While many people tend to believe that forgiveness is a sign of weakness, it can actually be a huge feat of courage and strength.

 

Let’s take a look at some of the reasons why it can be important to forgive.

 

FORGIVENESS IS NOT ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON

Forgiving someone is not about ‘letting them off the hook.’ Forgiveness doesn’t mean you pardon or excuse the other person’s actions. And it definitely doesn’t mean you should forget the incident ever happened. It’s about gifting yourself the space to let go of the pain and the anguish for your personal peace and benefit, not necessarily theirs.

 

REMEMBER, WE’RE ALL HUMAN

As Marie Forleo says: “No matter how good your intentions, you can pretty much guarantee that at some point or another, you’ll hurt those you love.”

And in the same vein, they’ll hurt you. We’re complex beings, us humans. We need to remember that. We need to remember that we, too, make mistakes and need to be forgiven at times. A grudge can wedge a canyon the size of the Grand Canyon between you and another person if you’re not open to honoring each other’s humanness and letting things go.


FORGIVENESS BRINGS HAPPINESS

Forgiveness puts the final seal on what happened that hurt you. You will no doubt still remember what happened, but you will no longer be bound by it. Studies indicate that forgiveness brings happiness, suggesting that people’s physical, mental, relational and even spiritual health, vastly improves.

 

If you decide you are willing to forgive, find some quiet time to be alone with your thoughts and follow these four steps:

 

Step 1: Think about the incident that irritated you.

Accept that it happened. Accept how you felt about it and how it made you react.

Step 2: Acknowledge the growth you experienced as a result of what happened.

What did it make you learn about yourself? What did you learn about your needs and boundaries? How did you cope with being challenged?

Step 3: Now, think about the other person.

He or she is flawed because all human beings are flawed. When you were hurt, the other person was trying to have a need met. What do you think this need was and why did the person go about it in such a hurtful way?

Step 4: Finally, decide whether or not you want to forgive the person.

Are you ready to let go – not for them, but for you?

 

Forgiveness is an enormous subject. Most of us spend our entire lives trying to embrace and embody this virtue.

 

How has forgiving and forgetting worked for you?

Share this:
Journal Prompts

A hugely valuable personal growth tool is the use of Journal Prompts. Bringing awareness to our most common thoughts and consciously choosing to reprioritize, refocus, and redirect these thoughts, can have the most profound impact on our life and emotional wellbeing – especially during these challenging times of late. However, at times, journalling can feel […]

50 Journal Prompts For Self-Discovery

Emotional+Wellbeing

read more

I’m not much of a fan of exercising. In fact, I quite often hate it. What I do love however, is exercising my vagina — or to be more specific — my pelvic floor muscles. Why? Because it allows me to have epic sex and incredible orgasms. Exercising your pelvic floor muscles with a simple […]

The Best Sexercise You Can Do

Emotional+Wellbeing

read more

We all experience fear and anxiety at times. It’s a completely natural and helpful human emotion that helps us respond to danger — an automatic alarm that goes off in a challenging situation where we feel threatened, pressured or stressed. We feel it when we’re about to jump on a roller coaster. When we’re gearing […]

Behaviours That Contribute To Anxiety

Emotional+Wellbeing

read more

ARE YOU IN A MAZE? Are you feeling like you’re at a stage in your life where you’re not where you thought you’d be? Maybe you’re reflecting on others thinking they seem to have it all and you’re not even close?? Or maybe you’re just feeling a little feeling lost? You might have a million things […]

Feeling lost? How to find your way out!

Emotional+Wellbeing

read more

Have you ever considered how the ways you treat yourself and others are surprisingly similar? As far back as the Bible, it has been espoused that we should treat others as we would want to be treated. But this, perhaps, looks only at the inter-relationship between people. What about the intra — the importance of […]

What our Behaviour Really Means!

Emotional+Wellbeing

read more

  CARRY ON FLOURISHING   It’s been a bit of a whirlwind adventure with our “flourish” series and we hope you’ve loved it as much as we have!   So far, we’ve covered: How to flourish at home How to boost your energy and motivation Relationship rehab How to prepare for meaningful action How to […]

IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO FLOURISH – PART SIX

Emotional+Wellbeing

read more

New Year Resolutions… We have made it to 2021! Well done. Last year was anything but easy. 2020 presented us all with challenges, abrupt change, and transitions, amongst many other things, and you made it through. As you reflect on the last year, there are things you may want to leave behind, while there may […]

Embracing Rhythms Over Resolutions

Personal Growth

read more
Design your day

“Wonderful. Productive. Smooth. Successful.” This is how we want to be able to respond when someone asks us, “How was your day?” With everything on our plate, those words often seem unrealistic.  But despite our waking hours being filled with a rush of activity that has the potential to send us into a state of […]

How To Design Your Day

Personal Growth

read more

10 years from now, where will you be? Have a clue? Not quite sure at all? That’s ok. Like a fortune-teller with her crystal ball in hand, you too can look into your future now and see the life you are manifesting. Here’s how you can quite simply predict where you will be in 10 […]

Where Will You Be 10 Years From Now?

Personal Growth

read more

  When life gets busy or you find that one area of your life is demanding a lot of your time and energy, it’s easy to find yourself out of balance and not paying enough attention to what’s most important in your life. While you need to have drive and direction, too much can create […]

Finding Balance In Our Busy Lives

Personal Growth

read more

Your head strongly insists on taking the job. Running the marathon. Leaving the relationship. But your heart… well, your vehemently disagrees. Have you been tied up in the limbo of your head and heart? Paralysed by indecision because you don’t know what’s right?     The heart whispers but when it does, the message is […]

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR HEAD & HEART CANNOT AGREE

Personal Growth

read more

We all get lost from time to time. We all forget who we really are when life throws a spanner (or three) into the works. Faced with choices to start and end relationships, to travel the world, to follow the hunch or to leave it, to start a family or maybe to close your business […]

HOW TO REDISCOVER THE REAL YOU

Personal Growth

read more

I'm Rebecca Sparks
Founder of The Daily Guru, Confidence & Life Transition Coach, Speaker, Podcaster, Educator, Adventurer & Goal-Getter!

My mission is to help women believe and invest in themselves and  to help them to carve out their own exciting and fortuitous path in life.

more about me

Hey there!

oh la la!

"It's like DG is reading my mind! Every time I get an email from them, its exactly what I needed to hear."
- Jennifer West

Join the gang!

We've built a HUGE library of Growth & Wellbeing Resources for women just like you.  And we save all the best bits for our PenPals
 (AKA the Newsletter crew!)

So save yourself from unbearable FOMO and sign up below 

SIGN UP

FOR OUR WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

Get Our Free Guide to Kicking Ass on Social

Taiyaki occupy farm-to-table swag fashion axe four loko. Church-key palo santo selvage helvetica iceland tumblr.

GET THAT DOWNLOAD

Email

Name

"Margi's guide was kick-ass indeed and quite literally changed how I show up on social." - Jen Olmstead

oh la la!

Home
About
COACHING
ARTICLES

THE DAILY GURU

follow along 
on Instagram:

SEND ME A NOTE >

GET ON THE LIST >

@TheDailyGUru >

© MArgarita Coaching 2020  |  Design by Tonic  |  Photos by social squares & Unsplash

podcast