What does it take to find more fulfilment in our day-to-day lives?
There are essential elements that help us create a meaningful life. Today I’d like to talk to you about one non-negotiable way to living a meaningful life and why its so important.
And this element is called…. Fun – is essential!
In the race to grow up, learn more and be mature, the fun in life can be neglected, even suppressed. This leads to reduced experience in developing the imagination and like anything in life that requires practice to become better, the fun and imagination disappears. Fun creates connection through shared experiences and memories. Fun creates community and through community we develop our tribe. The ones we can lean on when things get heavy. But it all comes back to fun. Stay or return to being young at heart and the magic will be ignited. From there its a matter of practice.
FUNN=Functional Understanding Not Necessary Becoming aware that you have lost what fun means for you, is the first step in being able to overcome it.
Are you stuck?
Bored doing the same routine but too tired to get off the treadmill to explore things outside of your comfort zone because it’s too hard to think of what might happen if things went wrong.
What if they went right?
So you jump onto other people’s versions of fun, hoping they will align with yours. Or that they will bring back your spark. Maybe.. just maybe, the fun you are craving will return after a change in physical appearance.. Breast augmentation surgery was my selection. It worked for a little while then I was back to the drawing board.
Truth bomb: It was when my youngest stopped asking me to play because I had said no so often she got sick of asking that I had a feeling something had to change. (I blamed work for making me tired. I HAD TO fix everything for everyone.. because telling them they weren’t perfect or had made an error made me uncomfortable).
Another red flag: When my eldest daughter (10yrs) ignored my advice to keep playing with her friends at school instead of reading at lunchtimes.. I begrudgingly accepted it as she had already said she was too mature to play with her sister. I knew this feeling myself as I felt the same way when I was a tween. I was accepting that she didn’t want to play with her sister anymore.
Thing was, their arguments became more frequent as the distance between them widened. Then I heard my eldest disciplining her sister, using words I use.. and a nasty tone. Did I sound like that?! Yikes! Me losing fun wasn’t only affecting me anymore. I had to change. It was time to get serious if I wanted more fulfilment….
In contrast I now want to talk about one of the biggest obstacle in creating more fulfilment in life and this is…
Expectations – we develop expectations of how life should be.
Progressing through life, we learn to stay small to avoid being noticed in high school. When you stand out, you are more likely to be bullied. So this shapes the way we act in different areas in our life to avoid being treated poorly. We form our own opinions (expectations) around the way others should act too.
Judging them based upon what we learnt growing up and personality traits we have coded on our DNA through inherited trauma. Living to these rules and expectations kills the imagination and the fun. And being the creatures of habit that we are, we become stuck.
We become dependent on the expectations that have been set. It becomes our comfort zone or safety mechanism. It reduces flow and spontaneity in exchange for rigid routine, demands and stale boredom.
If you are seeking FUN, without success, let me tell you a secret. Stop being in a hurry to find it – fun will find you when you open your eyes and your heart to experience it. And that comes by slowing down to enjoy the journey.
If you want more fulfilment, you need to realise that Life is not a race.
Slow down and appreciate what is around you, now. The choices you have made in life to date have brought you to where you are right now. A hard pill to swallow sometimes.. but one worth taking as we truly get to shape our life.
I know sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. Take the detours life presents you. Make a different choice. They will create a new dimension, new memories and make life richer and more rewarding. A new life experience by learning something new. An opportunity to grow.
It wasn’t until I had changed my expectations, at a deeper level, where aligning my head, heart and gut that I could authentically teach my eldest daughter why playing was critical to her development as a person. Mum wasn’t doing it before so she didn’t have a role model. Now she does. I freed my heart and mind of the expectations and rules I had set and by doing so, created space to enjoy the journey. She gets it now.
It’s not just about mindset though. You need to change the external world to mirror the change you have made internally. This is the only way you will truly find more fulfilment.
My name is Belinda Hindmarsh – Female Head Talk expert who helps Working women get Fun back by raising their Emotional Intelligence to resolve unhealthy expectations and hussle to uncover their sparkle. I also host and facilitate corporate team building fun.
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I help working Mum’s who are tired and stressed to get fun back (free of guilt) and restore their power to start uncomfortable conversations so they can show their pre teens how it is done before peer pressure and life stressors kicks in.