Here at The Daily Guru we follow the mantra of- ‘what you put out there is what you get back‘. However, we can’t ignore the fact that many successful people do not follow the same philosophy. Some can use any means possible to get them what they want and they still have a form of success. When you identify this approach in someone (or maybe even yourself) a good question to ask is – what is it that they/you are actually achieving with this mean approach? A promotion? Perhaps… Respect? Not by all… Happiness? Maybe for the short term. Fulfilment? Doubtful.
These short-term wins can be far outweighed by all that follows, i.e. lack of respect from peers, colleagues, and friends or perhaps even having to look at oneself in the mirror, knowing what type of person you have become. There is a reason for the famous saying “what goes around comes around’’ and karma—be it bad or good—does eventually chase after you.
So why is there a belief that ‘’nice people’’ do finish last? Well, this particular topic has been researched quite heavily at The Daily Guru and the overwhelming conclusion draws us towards the habits and personality traits of what is perceived as being a ‘nice person’. There are certain behaviors that people demonstrate which in turn affect their journey and successes—it is these very attitudes that we are going to explore today.
BEING ‘NICE’ DOESNT MEAN BEING A PUSHOVER
Respecting yourself should always be your primary goal—never forget that. At times, some individuals tend to fall into the nice category because they put other people’s needs above their own.
Now we are not talking about being a parent, or caring for a sick loved one. Obviously, in these types of situations, the priority will always be for the other person’s needs. What we are talking about here are those people who spend their lives doing things for others and putting other people’s needs first- even before they think of their own. In extreme situations, this behavior can have a detrimental effect on the quality of their own lives, as they end up feeling like they aren’t accomplishing anything for themselves. Yet everyone around them seems to be soaring. There is a reason for that— it’s because they are spending all their time helping them soar! So become aware if you are letting your own needs be neglected because you are focusing all of your energy on others. When you recognize you’re doing this, take a step back and reassess where you need to put your time and energy. Perhaps a bit more of a balanced approach is needed.
It’s a great thing to put others first, but it’s also good to know that it doesn’t make you a nasty person to say ‘’no’’ once in a while.
IF SOMETHING IS WRONG ITS OK TO STAND UP AND SAY SO
Another trait that ‘’nice people’’ can be criticized for is being a pushover. If a friend treats you poorly or ignores your wishes on a consistent basis, know that they are doing this because you have been sending implicit messages that they can always get away with it. This is not their problem—in fact, it’s yours! We teach people how to treat us, so its time to set your own rules! Become aware of the behaviors you’re agreeing to with the people around you. If there is something that isn’t sitting well with you, then maybe it’s time to make a change! This doesn’t have to be done through a dramatic confrontation or a huge mess. Instead, you just need to explain what your challenge is and how you would like it to change. This may seem quite scary—especially if you perceive this type of conversation as mean or selfish— but trust us… your relationships will benefit and improve quality from this honest approach. Showing self-respect will unconsciously demonstrate to others the type of respect you wish to receive.
BOUNDARIES ARE KEY
Unfortunately, not everyone is as good-willed as we hope. You have to be aware of who the ‘takers’ in your life are. These are the type of people who continue to ask for more of your time, energy, ideas, money, etc. until there is nothing left to give and then offer little back in return. So, how can we avoid these situations? When someone asks for your contribution, get into the habit of replying ‘’I’ll get back to you’’. Only when you’ve had your time to consider the offer and you’re NOT under the pressure of waiting for an instant answer, you can then give a definite yes or no. And this answer should factor in whether you are able to help them out—instead of feeling that you should
KNOW YOUR WORTH
You are unique and a special human being who is equally entitled to the same respect and treatment as anyone else. It’s important that you keep this concept in mind, as it will help you set your expectations of what you want to give to others, as well as what you expect in return. If you are not familiar with this principal—then it’s probably time to reflect on what you give and receive a lot of your relationships
Remember that no one can take your power away from you unless you give them the permission to. Many nice people have confidently stepped into their own power, looked inside, found their voices and finished first!! Oprah Winfrey is a perfect example of this. Only when you find the balance between being honorable to your own values, respecting yourself, and still being a good person, will you feel the rewards of fulfillment.