Love+Relationships

6 THINGS TO DO IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP LACKS INTIMACY

Jun 11

Written By

The Daily Guru Team

The Definition of Intimacy…

Intimacy is closeness with another person, like the intimacy that develops between friends as you tell one another your life stories and all your secrets and dreams for the future”

 

Once upon a time in your relationship, you and your partner barely came up for air. It was full of raw and authentic intimacy

The excitement of falling and being in love meant you were all blissed out on a cocktail of feel-good hormones and an effortless urge to be in each other’s pockets all day long.

You remember them — the early days of infatuation, physical affection and sexual overdrive.

Romance was so easy and natural …until it wasn’t. Yep.

Sometimes, that euphoric state eventually wanes as the more mundane realities of life set in.

These days, you might have to really work at passion.

This is a common struggle among hard-working couples that happen to be balancing jobs, mortgages, parenting, study and their relationships with others and each other. Couples who have a strong emotional connection, a profound commitment to one another — they still really like one another but they just don’t feel that sexual spark anymore.

It’s the great paradox of being deeply in love, but not intimate.

BK20

It’s not unusual for couples with busy lives to drift apart emotionally and sexually, but the good news is you can rediscover intimacy again. It is also important to note that while fulfilling lovemaking is an important element of a deep and lasting relationship, it’s not the only definition of intimacy.

Intimacy is really about a sense of familiarity and closeness honored through sexual and non-sexual displays of affection. Intellectual Intimacy A tender touch, a hug, a kiss. Minutes spent between the sheets. Hours spent between the sheets. An arm slipped around the waist. Handholding. Being intimate can be a subjective topic, and it’s this misunderstanding that can lead to couples not being on the same page.

And it is normal to feel a sense of disappointment when our desire for sexual intimacy doesn’t match our partner’s or vice versa. It’s easier to assume the worst.

There’s an abundance of possible explanations for a lack of intimacy and the sad reality is that some can be fatal to a relationship. But there can also be a range of less dramatic and totally fixable causes behind the lull.

BK22

Here are six steps you and your partner can take together — and as individuals — to strengthen your connection and ultimately bring sexy back!

1 min

Have a candid conversation

Talking and listening are the vital components of intimacy, so take a look at the foundations your relationship is built upon. How are all the other elements — such as trust, respect and joy —holding up?

Create a safe space to initiate a calm and loving conversation where you can be honest and open with each other, without judgment.

Commit to working on your sex life in the same way you do in other areas of your personal development, such as health and career.

Together, explore any underlying emotional issues or areas of conflict that might be affecting your mojo.

If you can identify the root of the problem, you’re then able to brainstorm ways to overcome it and in turn make intimacy more desirable.

2 min

Release old relationship stories

Whether it was a broken heart, abuse or infidelity, taking negative experiences from a past love life and projecting them onto your present relationship can be incredibly destructive and cause intimacy issues

Pain we might have experienced in the past has the potential to transform into resentment in our current relationship if it’s not released in a healthy, effective or timely way. More importantly, it can manifest as new or repeated and equally unhealthy patterns of behavior.

On the same note, comparing experiences with your current lover to the good times you had with past lovers can also be a bad move.

Whatever the case you need to be able to let go of old relationship stories in order to be completely present and committed to your current partner. This may take a lot of inner work, vulnerability and surrender, but once you forgive, you will stop letting your past dictate your present.

And if you can’t forgive, at least acknowledge and accept your past, be grateful for the lessons it has taught you and give yourself permission to move on.

3 min

Show yourself some love

intimacy

Often, a lack of intimacy comes down to us being uncomfortable in our own skin.

Body image.

Weight gain.

Ageing.

Pregnancy.

The list goes on.

If you’re unable to love yourself, it becomes near impossible to allow yourself to feel physically uninhibited toward your partner. So, put energy into implementing regular rituals of self love and self care that will boost your confidence and level of self-worth.

Feel-good activities that raise your libido, feed your spirit and your mind and remind you of your inner and outer beauty.

Move your body and nourish it with wholesome food. Wear clothes that make you look good — and feel good. Pamper yourself.

Tell yourself you’re beautiful — and actually believe it.

Remember to make the effort to make your partner feel attractive too, because chances are they’ll reciprocate the love.

4 min

Reconnect

Sometimes, all it takes is some quality time together and seeing each other through fresh eyes to reignite the spark you’ve been missing and get you excited again.

Create your own definition of romance and strive towards it, together, every single day.

It’s important to note that this reconnecting part isn’t just about sex — non-sexual bonding deserves just as much recognition when it comes to successfully bringing partners closer together.

Explore the many different ways of showing affection. Increase your daily quota of hugs, smooches and handholding. Ramp up the shameless PDA and not-so-PDA.

Choose stirring and thought-provoking conversations over superficial chitchat. Work on understanding each other’s needs and wants. Remind yourselves of what brought you together. Reflect. Make plans for the future. Declare your love. Put it into words. Say, “I love you” — don’t just assume they already know it.

Really hear what the other has to say.

Book a weekend away or have a staycation at home. Switch off, unplug. Cook. Move your bodies and let off some steam. Slow down and be present.

Rekindle.

5 min

De-stress

It goes without saying; stress, exhaustion and worry are definitely mood killers.

We know it’s hard to get cozy with your other half when your mind is running over tomorrow’s to-do list, so add some weekly or daily practices into your calendar to let off steam.

Run, try yoga, journal, meditate, catch up with girlfriends.

You’ll return to your little love sanctuary fully present, with a clear mind and replenished energy.

6 min

Book it in

Of course, spontaneity is where it’s at, but when all of life’s commitments start to jostle for attention, being intimate often gets put on the back-burner.

Don’t stop being lovers just because you wear other hats, such as parent, colleague or friend.

Simply plan ahead and create opportunities for alone time. This isn’t to say you should book in every Thursday at 8.30 pm — just be bit more mindful of what’s kyboshing potential moments of intimacy. Say no to other commitments if necessary.

A good place to start is going to bed at the same time. Don’t keep watching TV or checking emails from the couch once your partner says goodnight. Hit the hay at the same time — this is one of the rare times of day where you actually have time to be alone, talk, hold each other and be intimate.

End your day, together. 

BK13

Has a lack of intimacy ever been a problem in your relationship? What did you do to fix it? Share with us in the comments below!

 

OTHER ARTICLES YOU MAY ENJOY

How to forgive when you cannot forget

SIX THINGS YOU CAN DO IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP LACKS INTIMACY

HOW TO AVOID THE 3 YEAR ITCH IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

RADICALLY IMPROVE YOUR CONFIDENCE – PODCAST

 

Share this:
WORK WITH DG 11 min
Essentials of a fulfilling life

What are the Unexpected Essentials for a fulfilling life?  Do you know what the ‘essentials’ are in life so that you can live a fulfilling lifestyle?  Firstly let’s agree that fulfilment and happiness are subjective.  They are a state of mind—on how we feel about ourselves and our life. In this sense, anything we do […]

The 18 Unexpected Essentials for a fulfilling life

Emotional+Wellbeing

read more
Stress tips

Stress is a common emotion that most people will feel at some point in their lives. From the stress of exams as a teenager to the stress of planning a wedding, there are typical life events and moments in life that most people will experience. While stress is common, it’s also an emotional state that […]

9 Stress Busting Tips For The Super Stressed Out!

Emotional+Wellbeing

read more
More Fulfilment

What does it take to find more fulfilment in our day-to-day lives? There are essential elements that help us create a meaningful life.  Today I’d like to talk to you about one non-negotiable way to living a meaningful life and why its so important.   And this element is called…. Fun – is essential!   […]

How To Find More Fulfilment In Your Day-To-Day Life

Emotional+Wellbeing

read more
self esteem

Raising children to have healthy levels of Self Esteem is no small task in this day-and-age.   If this topic gets you feeling quite overwhelmed as a parent, don’t worry, you’re not alone. That’s why we wanted to share some helpful self esteem questions you can discuss with your children. To help give you a starting […]

21 Self Esteem Questions to Boost Your Child’s Self Worth

Emotional+Wellbeing

read more
Journal Prompts

A hugely valuable personal growth tool is the use of Journal Prompts. Bringing awareness to our most common thoughts and consciously choosing to reprioritize, refocus, and redirect these thoughts, can have the most profound impact on our life and emotional wellbeing – especially during these challenging times of late. However, at times, journalling can feel […]

50 Easy Journal Prompts For Self-Discovery

Emotional+Wellbeing

read more
A Guide To Understanding The Sensitive Man

  Today we want to discuss the Sensitive man… Recently we explored the pros and cons of being a highly sensitive person (HSP)— a term coined by Dr Elaine Aron in the 90’s, which basically means you feel all of the feelings. Someone who is sensitive to, well, just about everything. Sights. Sounds. Smells. Vibes. A huge number […]

A Guide To Understanding The Sensitive Man

Emotional+Wellbeing

read more
Essentials of a fulfilling life

What are the Unexpected Essentials for a fulfilling life?  Do you know what the ‘essentials’ are in life so that you can live a fulfilling lifestyle?  Firstly let’s agree that fulfilment and happiness are subjective.  They are a state of mind—on how we feel about ourselves and our life. In this sense, anything we do […]

The 18 Unexpected Essentials for a fulfilling life

Personal Growth

read more
Ultimate Reading list

This is our Ultimate Reading list  – for those who are deeply interested in Self Development and on-going growth in their life. These books are real game changers! We often get asked what are some of the best books we have read in various categories based on many the hours of reading and research we […]

The Ultimate Reading List for those who love Self Development

Personal Growth

read more
Design your day

How to Design Your Day

The Surprising Way To Design Your Day

Personal Growth

read more
Embracing Rhythms Over Resolutions

New Year Resolutions… We have made it to 2021! Well done. Last year was anything but easy. 2020 presented us all with challenges, abrupt change, and transitions, amongst many other things, and you made it through. As you reflect on the last year, there are things you may want to leave behind, while there may […]

Embracing Rhythms Over Resolutions

Personal Growth

read more
evan phillip 268078 unsplash scaled

Think ahead to 10 years from now, where will you be….? Have no clue? Not quite sure at all? That’s ok. Like a fortune-teller with her crystal ball in hand, you too can look into your future now and see the life you are manifesting. Here’s how you can quite simply predict where you will […]

Where Will You Be 10 Years From Now?

Personal Growth

read more
21 min

  When life gets busy or you find that one area of your life is demanding a lot of your time and energy, it’s easy to find yourself out of balance and not paying enough attention to what’s most important in your life. While you need to have drive and direction, too much can create […]

Finding Balance In Our Busy Lives

Personal Growth

read more

I'm Rebecca Sparks - Founder of The Daily Guru. I'm also a Self Development Coach,
a Speaker and a Podcaster. 

What drives me most in life is a fascination & curiosity with how we can make the most of our short time here on this planet.  How do we make our lives feel meaningful? How can we make life feel fulfilling?  And how can we turn these elements into a lifestyle? 

My mission is to help women explore these topics and to design a life that taps into all of their essentials.

more about me

Hey there!

oh la la!

"It's like DG is reading my mind! Every time I get an email from them, its exactly what I needed to hear."
- Jennifer West

Join the gang!

We've built a HUGE library of Growth & Wellbeing Resources for women just like you.  And we save all the best bits for our PenPals
 (AKA the Newsletter crew!)

So save yourself from unbearable FOMO and sign up below 

SIGN UP

FOR OUR WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

Get Our Free Guide to Kicking Ass on Social

Taiyaki occupy farm-to-table swag fashion axe four loko. Church-key palo santo selvage helvetica iceland tumblr.

GET THAT DOWNLOAD

Email

Name

"Margi's guide was kick-ass indeed and quite literally changed how I show up on social." - Jen Olmstead

oh la la!

Home
About
CONTACT
ARTICLES

THE DAILY GURU

follow along 
on Instagram:

SEND ME A NOTE >

GET ON THE LIST >

@TheDailyGUru >

© MArgarita Coaching 2020  |  Design by Tonic  |  Photos by social squares & Unsplash

podcast