HOW TO SET HEALTHY PERSONAL BOUNDARIES

Do you know how to set Healthy Personal Boundaries?

Do you tolerate offensive comments, back away from conflict or have a difficult time standing up for yourself?

Do you say yes, when you really want to say no?

Do you feel pushed and pulled in every direction — and completely consumed by all of the drama?

Is your work-life balance a little…unbalanced? Does it seem like you’re losing your sense of self?

Chances are, you need to get some rock solid boundaries in your life!

In essence, boundaries set an important space, line or divide between you and another person or situation in order to protect you — your time, energy, body, mind, emotions, privacy, safety and so on.

These are the physical, emotional and mental limits we set to protect us from being manipulated, mistreated or disrespected and enable us to detach who we are and what we think and feel, from the thoughts and feelings of others.

Setting healthy personal boundaries can be tough because it means making decisions that may not match up with what other people want. Yet, having strong personal boundaries is paramount to keeping your stress levels down and maintaining your own emotional wellbeing. Healthy personal boundaries prevent constant overwhelm because they help you to prioritize your wants and needs in any situation. Having boundaries also makes it much easier when making decisions about where to invest energy and resources – it’s a skill all of us should work towards acquiring!

They centre us.

When we don’t maintain boundaries — whether it’s in our personal or professional lives — we lose our voice, our sense of identity and risk becoming drained, unfocused and unhappy. We take on too many responsibilities and unnecessary burdens.

Here are some simple steps you can take in order to take back your personal power, set or strengthen boundaries and become deeply grounded in who you are and what you need.

#1 GENERATE SELF-AWARENESS

In order to set healthy, productive boundaries, we must first know what we are feeling — and what needs attention.

This might seem obvious, but the truth is that people with feeble boundaries can become so engrossed in other lives and situations that they lose touch with their own feelings.

Creating self-awareness can be an important part in personal growth, as it allows us to better understand ourselves and our boundaries. It’s not always easy, yet reflecting on your personal strengths and weaknesses can lead to a greater understanding of what you need to be successful.

Additionally, being cognizant of our personal presuppositions and biases can equip us with the ability to make decisions that are more informed and less likely to shift based on circumstances or emotions. As we become more self-aware, we’re able to identify what works well for us on our path towards personal goals.

So learn to listen to and nurture your connection with yourself. Become mindful of the moments your ‘energy field’ is breached — when you’re feeling stretched, depleted, violated, unbalanced, overwhelmed, guilty or threatened.

#2 IDENTIFY THE WEAKNESSES AND LEAKS

Once you’ve started feeling all the feels, reflect on and examine each situation.

It’s easy to get wrapped up in the daily hustle and bustle without realizing our personal boundaries are starting to blur. Identifying any personal weaknesses and leaks can help us stay in tune with ourselves and remain mindful of how we protect our personal space. It’s important that we take stock of where our weaknesses lie, such as time management or feeling overwhelmed by certain tasks.

We should also be aware of any areas that we may be “leaking” energy or unintentionally giving away pieces of ourselves to various sources. Understanding these weak points can be the key to understanding and ensuring we are well protected from burnout or taking on too much.

Does it happen repeatedly? Is there a pattern? What line has been crossed or blurred?  Where have you been unconsciously giving away your energy? Alternatively, what ‘stuff’ are you letting in that isn’t yours?

Is your work cutting into family time?

Are you pressured to party every weekend?

Do you feel suffocated by your lover?

 

#3 GET CLEAR ON THE BOUNDARIES

Now that you’ve identified the problem areas, you can determine what you will no longer tolerate and begin to draw up some boundaries.

What action do you need to take in order to regain your personal power, demand self-respect, create space or strengthen the buffers you already had in place? 

Do you need to quit working overtime or stop taking on extra clients?

Do you need to decline more social invitations?

Do you need some ‘me’ time?

Creating healthy personal boundaries involves understanding one’s own values and needs, communicating these to others, learning how to say no when necessary, and most importantly respecting the boundaries of others.

It is okay for someone to have preferences or requests that may be seen as inconvenient by another person. It is also essential that everyone respects each other’s right to say no without feeling obligated or guilty about it. Individuals should practice self-care in order to make sure their needs are met while simultaneously being mindful of the needs of others.

#4 COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS

Depending on the situation, you will either need to either declare your ‘Needs/wants’ to another person or group, or simply take different action.

When communicating your personal boundaries — whether it’s a colleague, family member, friend or yourself — it’s important to be firm and confident.

Use simple, direct language to show your priorities have changed and that you’re taking care of your needs, right now.

You may feel a little resistance or guilt, and some people will still continue to push the limits, test the waters and overstep the line — so be unshakeable in who you are and what you need.

 

Do you need to set or strengthen your personal boundaries? Share with us in the comments below!

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