From sexologists to sexuality educators, we’ve found ten sex and relationship experts to dish great sex advice. Whether you’re already having amazing sex, going through a lull in your sex life, looking for ways to spice things up or just curious about finding ways to improve your sex life. We’ve got you covered.
You’ll find out why it can help to schedule sex. How to create relaxing, sexual atmospheres and how to build your authentic sexual confidence.
Ready to find out more? Let’s dive into the 10 awesome tips from sex and relationships experts…
1: Express yourself
According to Susan Block (sex therapist and author), you shouldn’t be afraid to get loud during sex. Letting go vocally can help your partner understand what you enjoy, plus you can even experience more powerful orgasms! Express yourself in whichever way feels most comfortable and authentic to you. Shout, moan, say your partner’s name, let them know what feels good for you, or ask to try new things. The more you can learn to express yourself (both about sex and during!), the easier it will become.
2: Schedule sex
If you notice your sex life slowing down (which can be totally normal for many couples, especially in long-term relationships) it can be helpful to schedule sex. According to Emily Morse (Doctor of human sexuality and host of the “Sex with Emily” podcast), scheduling sex is great for couples, especially those who might have mismatched libidos. By creating a sex schedule, you and your partner can compromise on a good time for both of you and build some anticipation!
3: Take a bath together
Create a relaxing atmosphere in the bathroom and enjoy some quality time with your partner. Author of “The Art of Tantric Sex”, Nitya Lacroix, suggests adding two drops of patchouli oil, three drops of sandalwood oil and three drops of lavender oil into the bathwater. These aromas can encourage sensuality and relaxation to prime your bodies and minds for an erotic experience. You might also like to listen to some relaxing music to help you both unwind a little more!
4: Embrace the mystery
In her article “The Lush Sensuality of a Woman in Full Bloom”, Jill Hamilton encourages women to embrace the mystery of their vaginas and to explore their sexuality. She explains that it’s perfectly normal to have a “lush” vagina – like a rose in full bloom. There’s no need to conform to pressures to look a certain way or to understand the vagina completely. It can be exciting to know that there are still new things to be discovered and to explore, either with a partner or on your own.
5: Build your authentic sexual confidence
Amy Jo Goddard is a sex therapist and author who presented an amazing TED talk about “Owning Your Sexual Power.” One of her tips is to focus on building authentic sexual confidence by knowing and accepting your sexual desires and experimenting with those desires. We live in a culture which bombards us with messages about how to be desirable, but Amy Jo suggests creating your own ideas about sexuality and building your confidence from within.
6: Find playful ways to initiate sex with your partner
Discover fun, new ways to initiate sex! Isiah Mckimmie, a sex therapist and sexologist, suggests inviting your partner into the shower, wearing lingerie, touching your partner, building anticipation with sexy texts, or developing your own secret signal to let your partner know when you’re in the mood.
7: Create a safe and sacred space for sex
Juliet Allen (sexologist and host of the “Authentic Sex Podcast”) recommends creating a safe and sacred space for sex. Remove clutter from the room. Invest in high quality candles and beautiful bed sheets. Don’t keep a television or work-related things in your room and set boundaries about who can enter the room.
8: Use a lubricant
Dr Charlie Glickman (sexuality educator and author), improving sex can be as simple as using additional lubricant as it can reduce friction and increase pleasure. He also recommends that you focus on the journey, not the destination. Don’t worry about whether you’re doing a “good job”, just try to relax and have fun!
9: Have sex more mindfully
Dr Laurie Mintz is a therapist, professor and author of two books, called “Becoming Cliterate” and “A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex.” She encourages you to have sex more mindfully by letting go of distracting thoughts. Paying attention to our body’s physical reactions and using the senses to bring your mind back to the present moment. For example, by nuzzling your partner’s neck so you can breathe in their scent.
Curious to know the best sex advice sex therapist, Vanessa Marin, has ever given? Touch more! Explore different types of touch, such as massages, cuddles, tickles and caresses in various areas of the body.
If you are enjoying and benefiting from this rare but necessary focus on this self – then we would love to invite you to take part in our Self Series. Click the link below to learn more about this new collective!