When we find ourselves a ‘partner’ in life, we get more than just a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife.
Among other things, we’re gifted with a best friend, a biz sounding board, a parenting partner, exercise buddy, finance guru, confidant and someone to vent to.
But too often, we find it hard to leave these roles at the bedroom door and honour our time as ‘lovers’. The demands and expectations we put on each other to fulfil these other ‘duties’ often leaves us feeling a little depleted when it comes time for intimacy and so, things in the bedroom department become a little lacklustre.
Neglecting and allowing all of the other demands in your relationship to crowd out your role as lovers can be a huge mistake, but all it takes is for you to examine your lifestyle, break the routine and ensure you’re carving out some time to properly get between the sheets with your partner.
Yes, it is indeed possible to prioritise intimacy in your relationship, without sacrificing all of the other important foundations of a partnership.
Here are three of our favourite ways to spice things up in the bedroom!
Focus on being lovers, first and foremost
That amazing person you share a bedroom with? They’re the love of your life, remember!
Amidst the stress, busyness and demands of life, honouring those lovin’ feelings you felt in full force during the early days can move further and further down your scale of priorities.
So, challenge yourself to rekindle the passion and desire that had you weak at the knees, before you became so much more than simply ‘lovers’.
As you watch your partner go about their day, really see them. Admire and acknowledge all of the traits that attracted you to them in the beginning. Savour them. Show affection — on a daily basis — both in and away from the bedroom.
Perhaps, make your bedroom a sanctuary — or a place of devotion, exclusive to your relationship. When you’re in the room, together, commit to disconnecting from all of the distracting ‘things’, like lap tops, phones and televisions. Ban any chit chat related to the ‘business’ and logistics of life.
Hold space only for deep connection, meaningful conversation and romance.
SLOW IT DOWN
You’re busy. Time is of the essence. You gotta make hay while the sun shines!
We get it.
Quickies have become the norm — because they work in well with your busy schedule. They enable you to tick that box, satisfy that ‘need’ and then get out the door and on to the next item on your to do list.
But what do you really get out of it, apart from the obvious?
Taking time to set the mood, get in the mood, slow down and be fully present to your partner and all of the sensations, actually ups the ante on your bedroom antics.
“But I don’t have the time,” you’re probably thinking.
You do — if you make the time.
How can you switch up your diary a little, to make more room for longer stretches of sexy time?
Turn off the TV/Social Media a little earlier at night? Roll over and burrow in, instead of hitting the snooze button in the morning?
Of course you can.
And when you’re, ahem, done — stay in bed a while longer. Of course, the most heightened part of love-making is the orgasm, but after sex, there’s plenty of other good stuff, like hormones, chemicals (and each other) to be felt. Hang around, enjoy a cuddle, a laugh and a chat.
Do what you can to prolong the intimacy.
SHAKE IT UP
One of the most effective ways to spice things up and bust yourself out of a bedroom rut, is to step outside the box, stretch yourself and inject a bit of novelty into the boudoir.
What we’re saying is, get out of your comfort zone. Because the truth is, if you’ve been together a while and are well acquainted with each other’s ‘talents’ and ‘preferences’ when it comes to bedroom action, you tend to stick with what you know and things get a little comfortable.
How about pushing the limits and exploring some new territory, together? Discover how you both react to something new.
Increase the communication you have around your sex life and share your needs, wants and secret desires — without judgement.
If you’re really daring, make a risqué list of all the things you’d like your partner to try and invite them to take on the challenge.
What are some of your favourite ways to spice things up in the bedroom? Share with us in the comments below!
Articles written by our internal Daily Guru writers, who are certified & qualified growth & development professionals.